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Character Bios · Rooster Tooths

Character Bios - Red vs Blue

Red Vs Blue's Red Zealot
Name:The Red Zealot
Armor:
Red
Current Status:Deceased

This particular zealot was fed a lot of sugar as a kid... a looooot of sugar.  He was fed so much sugar, in fact, that he became mortally addicted to it.  Today, he can't go more than two hours without sugar, or else he goes in to a withdrawal seizure.  Of course, always being stoned on sugar has a rather curious side-effect: he's always hyper.

When you spend all your time running around and hitting things on a perpetual sugar high, people take notice of you.  It just happens that one day a Spartan recruiter spied our overzealous friend beating up a tree with his face, and winning, and the recruiter decided he would be the right man to join the Spartans.  So began his intense military training.

Unfortunately, none of The Zealot's Sargeants were able to control him.  Between his constant hyperactivity, and his persistent belief that he lives in a Kevin Smith movie, the drill Sargeants were forced to give up on making him a proper, bonafide soldier.

Instead, they dropped him in Battle Creek and pumped him full of experimental drugs meant to accentuate the personality traits he happened to have in abundance already.  There he was able to run freely and give didactic speeches to his heart's content.  He felt so comfortable in Battle Creek, in fact, that he managed to successfully capture the blue flag!

But alas, all good things must come to an end.  Shortly after gaining the flag, it was taken from him by the Blue forces occupying Battle Creek, and he was forced to start over from scratch.  Even now, at his advanced age of fifteen, he plots his revenge...

At least, he did until he was brought to Sidewinder and blown in to the future.  Then he was murdered in the side with a sword.  Upon his death, he saw the Flag.  It was so... flappy.  Rest in Peace, Red Zealot.

 

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Comments (1-5 of 5)
#1: JTJdude said at 2008-11-30 10:49PM:

Hillarious

I just loved this bio, especially the part with the tree. This guy is my new hero, who else can beat up a tree with their face?
#2: kingzak13 said at 2010-06-1 7:53AM:

best profile ever

.
#3: cherrym00n said at 2010-07-29 8:07AM:

OMG

I wanna learn to do that!
#4: caboose9000 said at 2010-07-31 9:21PM:

lol

It just happens that one day a Spartan recruiter spied our overzealous friend beating up a tree with his face, and winning,
#5: EPICGAMING said at 2013-03-21 8:45PM:

What?

Isn't Hambone and the Red Zealot the same dude? Because, Hambone was spear-tackled by the blues (in his bio,) when he had the flag and the Red Zealot has the flag in the pic above! How can they be different reds?

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