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Character Bios · Rooster Tooths

Character Bios - Red vs Blue

Red Vs Blue's Lieutenant Miller
Name:Lieutenant Miller
Current Status:Disillusioned

Lieutenant Miller's childhood was that of the poster child for bad luck. For starters, he was a black child born to a white married couple. When his father saw him for the first time, he filed for divorce.

Growing up, he was never able to achieve more than a D average in school, and all his friends ended up using him for their own personal gains. To add to the personal humiliation, he completely failed to live up to the stereotype by having an incredibly short penis, with very large balls as if trying to compensate. His first girlfriend cheated on him with his dad, and his second girlfriend's braces locked with his the first time they kissed.

All these things going wrong in his life started to wear on him mentally, and he was taken to a doctor and diagnosed with clinical depression. The doctor menat to prescribe an upper, but was distracted by a screaming baby in the waiting room and accidentally wrote "Ritalin" on the prescription instead.

Ironically, his low grades were entirely the fault of all the unlikely occurrences; he was actually very smart, and knew all the things he was being taught, but was always distracted by the things going wrong around him and performed poorly. Eventually he decided if everything was going to go wrong anyway, he may as well join the Marines so that the next thing that went wrong could possibly free him from all of this.

Of course, that went wrong too, and he was promoted to Lieutenant and put in charge of other people while they do things wrong around him. He's gotten very good at determining the root cause of the problems and dealing with them, but all he really wants is for all the insanity to stop already. Seriously.


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