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Character Bios · Rooster Tooths

Character Bios - Supreme Surrender

Background: Blue Team vs Red Team ...vs Aliens

For the last 130 years, there has been a sharp division among civilized society. Some believed in settling disputes mainly with violence, and others believe in setting disputes with violence and mechanized animals. This led to severe conflict, as those who were not in favour of using animals for violence dubbed the other side "Red", after the colour their rivers turned from having so very much blood drained in to them. In turn, those on the "Red Team" dubbed the other side "Blue", after the colour they imagined their balls must be to care that much about a mosquito.

Over time the rivalry escalated, and along with it escalated their technology. Combat Armour gave way to Battle Suits, which gave way to small Mechs, which gave way to full-size Mechs and spiders with guns on them. Then, as the Red Team was just about to unleash their next weapon against the Blue Team (bears with lasers strapped to their heads, for those who are curious), both sides picked up the signal from a beacon in space.

After investigating the beacon carefully it was determined that it was of alien origin. Seeking the upper hand, both sides attempted to make contact with this new race. Unbeknownst to them, the race that constructed the beacon was shy and timid, and not only did they not want to help either side in the war, but they feared immediate destruction because they weren't expecting anyone to discover their beacon, and assumed anyone who could discover it was powerful enough to destroy them.

The aliens immediately learned the appropriate language and volunteered to surrender, in order to avoid what they believed to be their imminent demise. And so a meeting was set...

Red Robot

The Red Robot was the Red Team's most failed attempt at creating a fully autonomous machine. Not only did they fail, by virtue of it not having eyes or arms, but it also couldn't do anything without having a person inside to control it, which technically makes it a Mech. However, due to the small size of the compartment, and the fact the legs bend the wrong way, the occupant had to be a quadruple amputee. His name is Charles, and he hates his life.

Blue Robot

The Blue Robot is a fully autonomous unit, and a skilled negotiator. He's also 130 years old. He started out as a person, and then had his intelligence and consciousness transferred in to a robot 80 years ago. Over time he has been shuffled around to more advanced robots, the most recent incarnation of which cannot move its arms independently of each other, which tells you just how far they still have to go. He also gets ALL the ladies. His name is also Charles, and he loves his life.

Ambassatron

Ambassatron belongs to a race of oversized genuine evolving robots. They gestate, are born, and grow just like people do, only they are mechanical. Nobody knows where they originally came from. They came to the conclusion early on that the bigger a robot grew, the more important a role it should undertake. Ambassatron did not grow very large at all by their standards, and so was given a very unimportant role: negotiating their surrender to other races so they wouldn't be hurt. He hopes one day to have another growth spurt and move up in society to be the person who sends other Ambassatrons out to surrender. In the meantime, however, he is very enthusiastic about the job he has, even though it depresses him.

Surrenderbot

Surrenderbot is the largest of his race of robots, and as such he has the most important job they know of: finalizing their surrender to other races. He believes in rigidly adhering to policy and procedure, regardless of any and all indicators that a different approach may be required; if it's not in the 18,000 page manual, it is incorrect. Because he exists solely to surrender to others, the manual does not contain anything about accepting other races' surrenders.

Red Citizen:

Don't feel too bad for him: he was an asshole. He also molested his dog Fifi. That's why nobody was helping you, jerk.

Red Citizens 2 and 3:

Ironically, these guys were actually Blue citizens who were visiting their parents. They were the only two members of their family to join the Blue Team, which meant they were entirely cut off from the rest of their family. When they started screaming during the negotiation they weren't actually on fire or in danger of any kind, they just didn't want to feel left out.

Fifi:

Fifi was a molested Pomeranian. We like to think she pissed on her owner's face and ate his penis after the fire had cooked it just right.

 

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