History of the Forums, Part 1
In the beginning, there was ...nothing. Oh, people were doing stuff, saying they were cool, talking trash, but in the end, nobody was able to back it up with anything more than a fake grin and some missing teeth. Then, along came Burnie Burns and guS Sorola... and some other people.
When they started making their heads bob while pointing guns at their feet, they realised it was pretty amusing, and they should see if there were any computer games where they could do it. They found Halo, and Rooster Teeth Productions was borne... bourne... ...started.
So after a bit of experimenting, they came up with Red vs Blue, mostly inspired by Cecil. They made some videos, bided their time, and quickly became the most popular thing on the internet. The details are sort of boring, so I won't go in to them, but there was a lot of cheese involved, and three dead people named Biff.
And so it came to pass that after two full seasons of the show, surprisingly squeezed in to just over a year, Rooster Teeth Productions ordered a new website from some guys named Blake and Matt. The new people threw something together, and Burnie saw it was good, said it was good, and it was good. And people immediately started to join. In fact, so many people started to join that the RIAA tried to sue RTP for stealing sales, but that didn't fly.
Then, the unthinkable happened: morons discovered the site.
It began with much trading of wares and goods, in a manner which had been decreed unacceptable. At that specific time, a deity known only as THE_HAND** bitch-slapped man-slapped the offenders right off the site. The people had learned respect for THE_HAND**, and a period of calm ensued.
The general public was relieved, even elated, by this striking new move. Could order be restored to the forums once more? Could intelligence reign again, and could things return to how they had once been in the days of phpBB2?
But alas, it was not to be. The moronic rabble realised they would have to find other ways to express their total lack of intelligence, and they sought new places to express their idiocy. And oh how they spread like a plague.
The second wave began slowly, with a few games popping up in The Basement. Then a few more games. Then some games appeared in the Red vs Blue forums. Then more. Then there were so many games in so many places, requiring so little intelligence to play, that The Basement became almost unnavigable.
The next area to take damage was the Red vs Blue forums, where they started threads with no purpose, no meaning, and no tangible tie to anything remotely related to Red vs Blue. Then came the image and journal comment threads of respected forum members. Things were starting to look bad, when the unthinkable happened:
After a month of pollution had built up in the forums, things were so bad that one of the longest standing members of the site just up and left, without so much as a parting glass of wine. For now, let's call this user Jesus. ...On second thought, let's not.
Then, with a wrath not seen since the days of O.J., a subordinate of THE_HAND** washed his divine presence over the offending threads, and all but a chosen few were destroyed, never to be seen again. Where they are, only THE_HAND** knows... and a select few other people.
The general public was both shocked and awed. Suddenly, the muddied road was becoming clear again. Once more, people asked themselves if this could be the start of a new period of peace. Hopes were high as the forum member (who isn't Jesus) returned with another name to swim once more among the ranks of the populace.
However, it was at this time that the forum-going public suddenly realised they had made a mistake. They had been so focused on fighting the battle in the forums that they hadn't even noticed the presence of a second battlefield: the Video Comment Threads.
Stupidity was truly breeding stupidity in this newly-discovered morass, as people were saying the same things over and over, without even the most remote relation to the topic at hand. Massive amounts of garbage was being spread over this area that had been presumed to be peaceful, and small children were being eaten by sea creatures on almost a daily basis. Things were looking grim.
At just that moment, THE_HAND** reasserted its presence in the world, picking up some of those responsible and flinging them in to the ocean. Forum members smarter than apricots watched with glee as the interlopers bubbled and burped on their way to the bottom of the ocean, never to be heard from again.
Unfortunately, the effect of this move wasn't as strong as was originally predicted. Other users, more versed in the ways of THE_HAND**, are still littering and peeing in public, just beyond the scope of THE_HAND**'s radar. The land continues to be flooded, and the normal people still wish it would stop.
The Red vs Blue forum continues to see pointless threads made on a daily basis, and the same threads repeated over and over again. Perhaps in this, our darkest hour, we will witness the sort of miracle that makes us rise above everything and come together united.
Only time will tell...
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This is GREAT
THE HAND** oh how I miss thee
THE HAND Watches
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