Episode 2: Get Your Tucks In A Row

Fade in to the tank rolling up to Tucker
Tucker:
Oh shit.
Caboose:
We are back.
Tucker:
Caboose? Christ, I thought you were in that thing. Wait, who is in that thing?
Wash gets out
Washington:
Hello Private.
Tucker:
Oh shit.
Washington:
Tucker, what is the one thing I tell you each and every morning?
Tucker:
Wake up.
Washington:
The other thing.
Tucker:
For the love of God, stop sleeping naked.
Washington:
Don't let anyone, touch the tank.
Tucker:
...Uh- okay, I can see where you're going with this.
Washington:
Until we're rescued, we need to be more mindful of the supplies that we have.
Tucker:
I know, I know, ration the food, maintain our equipment.
Caboose:
Brush our teeth, don't talk to strangers, try not to shoot anyone while they're trying to brush their teeth.
Washington:
And always, report in to me.
Tucker:
Do we have to?
Washington:
Yes! I even put up that old, Blue Team organizational chart to help demonstrate the point.
And so he did
Tucker:
Yeah, but we never really listened to that. Church just kind of shouted orders and we'd get around to them, eventually. Or we wouldn't. Whatever.
Caboose:
He was an inspiration to us all!
Washington:
Well, Church and Carolina decided to run off without so much as a goodbye, so it's up to me to keep us all together. Maybe if someone hadn't have crashed the ship, we wouldn't be in this mess.
Tucker:
Whoahoa, wait a second, why are you looking at me when you say that?
Washington:
I just have a hard time believing that thousands of well trained crew members were to blame for the incident.
Tucker:
Well they definitely didn't survive it! Hah hah hah! ...Ahum.
Washington:
Wow.
Tucker:
Yeah.
Washington:
You proud of yourself?
Tucker:
No.
Caboose:
Yeah that was, that was definitely too soon. Prob- probably too soon for sound effects too. ...Eah, oh God help us chpwwweah yeah it's too soon.
Cut to Sarge approaching Grif and Simmons outside
Sarge:
Absolutely unacceptable.
Simmons:
I couldn't agree more, Sir.
Grif:
But you have no idea what he's gonna say.
Simmons:
Oh right yeah, just got a little excited.
Grif:
You are the worst kind of person.
Sarge:
Quiet morons, we've got a situation on our hands!
Grif:
Which is?
Sarge:
The deplorable condition of Red Base.
Grif:
You're still hung up on that? We're stranded in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a mysterious, and seemingly uninhabited jungle might I add, and you're worried about the condition of our makeshift fort.
Simmons:
Besides, I don't think our base is even that bad.
Grif:
Well, I wouldn't say that.
Simmons:
What, what's wrong with it?
Grif:
Seriously? There's an enormous hole in the roof. Every night it rains, I get washed into the corner.
Simmons:
Oh well, yeah there's that, but I mean, overall-
Sarge:
The majority of the West Wing is made up of sandbags and rain tarps.
Grif:
Which reminds me: if we have rain tarps, why aren't we using them to cover up the holes in the roof?
Simmons:
Listen, I think you guys are blowing this whole thing a little out of proportion.
Grif:
You're just saying that because you're the one that designed the base.
Simmons:
Well I did a better job than you would have done.
Sarge:
That's not saying much.
Grif:
I bet I could at least do it in a better location.
Simmons:
But this is the best location. The sunlight is perfect for maintaining my vegetable garden, and the faulty engine from the ship should keep us warm all Winter.
Sarge:
But aren't Slipspace engines extremely radioactive?
Engine:
...
Grif:
Well that would explain why my hair keeps falling out. And why all your cabbages have three heads.
Simmons:
I thought I was just really good at farming.
Grif:
No Simmons, you're good at other things. Like always being on time, and maintaining your virginity.
Simmons:
Oh yeah? Well we'll see who's laughing when my garden produces a valuable crop in the coming harvest.
Grif:
Glad to hear you've still got that virginity on lockdown, buddy.
In memory of David Dreger
 

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Comments (1-1 of 1)
#1: MLPMyles said at 2013-11-11 4:07AM:

Small mistake

In Simmons's last line, valuable should be bountiful.

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