PSA 1: Global Championship

Fade in to Wash and Sarge
Washington:
Hello. I'm Agent Washington from the popular web series Red vs. Blue.
Sarge:
And I'm Sarge from the same show.
Washington:
Sarge, it's safe to say that you are a competitive man, is it not?
Sarge:
Some would go as far to say that I'm the best at being competitive. I know I would.
Washington:
And what's your take on large cash prizes?
Sarge:
If I had a large cash prize for every time I wished I had a large cash prize, I'd be irresponsibly wealthy.
Washington:
Well then, you're in luck, because 343 Industries is kicking off-
EXPLOSION! HALO 4 GLOBAL CHAMPIONSHIP - *AIR GUITAR SOUNDS I'M NOT GOING TO TRANSCRIBE NOTE FOR NOTE*
Sarge:
What's that?
Washington:
It's a Halo 4 tournament, running from July to August.
Sarge:
Wait- seriously?
Washington:
Seriously.
Sarge:
Uh-huh, well that's uh very interesting to hear Agent Washington. Why don't you go ahead and uh, continue to inform the public on the subject and I'll uh... be right back.
Sarge dips away to the left (his right)
Washington:
Well, the competition will kick off in Austin, Texas at the Rooster Teeth Expo.
Sarge:
(from offscreen) Please, do go on!
Washington:
Uhm, okay. For those who can't make it to RTX, there is an online qualifier. Just sign into Halo 4, pick the tournament's custom matchmaking playlist, and destroy the competition. There'll be new finalists and new gametypes each week.
Sarge:
(from offscreen) That's fascinating!
Washington:
Okay, what on Earth are you doing?
Wash runs after Sarge and sees that he has Grif and Simmons jumping obstacles, and is firing his shotgun at them
Sarge:
Training, obviously - durr. That cash prize is going to Red Team.
Grif:
Uh-heuh- Simmons, I can't go on!
Simmons:
Then get the hell out of my way, I wanna live!
Grif:
Who's the jerk that decided to put in a sprint button?
Washington:
Sarge, it's a free-for-all competition.
Sarge:
A whatsahuga?
Washington:
There are no teams.
Sarge:
No teams...?
A gun cocks, and Simmons and Grif are pointing theirs up at Sarge
Simmons:
Hey Grif, how do you feel about large cash prizes?
Grif takes down Simmons from behind, violently
Grif:
It's every man for himself!
Simmons:
Son of a bitch!
Sarge:
Stand down, Private! That money is mine!
Sarge starts shooting at Grif, and Caboose rolls up in a tank
Washington:
Let me guess, you wanna win too.
Caboose:
Win what in the whose now?
Caboose rolls forward towards the Reds
Sarge:
What in blue blazes? Incoming enemy forces!
Washington:
Well, practice makes perfect.
Wash fires into the Reds
Grif:
Look out!
 

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