Blockbuster

Fade in to the Blues, the Mantis, and Sarge approaching
Sarge:
Eh-hem. Hey Blues. I think it's time we all had ourselves a little talk.
Tucker:
If this is the sex talk, I'd love to make a contribution to the discussion.
Sarge:
This is not the sex talk.
Tucker:
Oh.
Sarge:
Me and the boys have been talkin', and we think now is the right time to make our big move!
Washington:
What are you talking about?
Sarge:
Gentlemen, it's high time we made a Red vs. Blue movie!
Washington:
But, we do that every year.
Sarge:
No, not some straight to DVD nonsense - I'm talking about a genuine summer blockbuster!
Tucker:
Hey I like the sound o' that.
Washington:
Okay... What did you have in mind, what's the story?
Sarge:
Hheh heh. Story? I said "blockbuster," Spielberg. Story should be the last thing on our minds.
Washington:
Then what's it going to be about?
Sarge:
Excellent question, Unit Production Manager Washington. Which is why I've taken this moment, to prepare an incredibly expensive, cinematic movie trailer! Lopez, get the lights.
Lopez lowers the lights and a Red Band trailer screen comes up, then the trailer begins
Studio card says NON MEA CULPA with Caboose looking back and forth
Caboose:
Hello.
Studio card fades out, fade in to dramatic music and a shot behind Grif and Simmons
Grif:
Hey.
Simmons:
Yeah?
Grif:
You ever wonder why we're here?
Cut to Sarge walking across a desolate plain
Sarge:
It's funny - I ask myself the same question every day.
Washington:
The world is changing, gentlemen. I'm just the man suggesting we change it in our favour.
THIS SUMMER
Sarge:
My Pappy once told me: Son, don't ever, ever, ever trust a Blue.
Caboose:
Did you believe him?
FROM THE MAKERS OF RED VS. BLUE
Donut:
Sarge! Sarge!
Sarge:
I'm here son.
Donut's on the radio
Donut:
Sarge, there's people at the door. They're trying to get in! They have blue armor.
Sarge:
My God.
Sounds of things breaking
Tucker:
There he is!
Caboose:
Get him!
Donut:
I'm scared!
Several short shots behind Sarge's next lines
Sarge:
This ain't the same game any more. They've changed the rules.
Cut to Sarge and Grif by a Warthog
Grif:
We've gotta do something.
Sarge:
Son, the only thing I've gotta do is stay red, and die.
ONE MAN
Simmons:
Our people need a hero. Someone's who's brave and also handsome.
ONE MISSION
Washington:
Who is this guy?
Tucker:
He's a nobody, a loser.
Washington:
Then why haven't you stopped him?
ONE EPIC MOVIE
Grif:
He loves blood and violence. He's got a boner for murder. And he's coming for you.
Caboose addressing the Blue Army
Caboose:
We are the Blue Army! We are the antagonists of this film!
Wash and Sarge circling each other with swords
Washington:
You think you can win? You think this story has a happy ending? I will break you!
Simmons over Grif's fallen body
Simmons:
Noooooooooooooooo!
Other random scenes for each line
Grif:
They've got a tank!
Sarge:
We've got to steal the Declaration of Independence!
Caboose:
The secret code is "The Mona Lisa!"
Washington:
Kill him!
Sarge:
It's over, Washington!
Washington:
No. This, is only the beginning.
SARGE (a red vs. blue movie)
Grif standing peacefully
Grif:
It's two bases in the middle of a box canyon. How bad could it be?
Freckles appears and starts shooting
Credits slate
Sarge:
Euh. Stupid Grif.
Back to real life. Lopez puts the lights back on
Sarge:
So, is that an Oscar winner or what?
Washington:
Was that...? How, did you, get me, in the, trailer?
Grif and Simmons are revealed, with Grif roughly in Wash's colours, and Simmons in Caboose blue with maroon accents
Grif:
Ah hem. It's called acting, Wash? You should try it some time.
Washington:
I'm going to burn your camera equipment.
Sarge:
Wait, we're not done with principal photography! We're not even done with vice principal photography!
Simmons:
But guys, this isn't just a movie - this is our calling. Our mission, our-
Sarge:
Shut up Simmons!
Simmons:
Hehh... yes Sir.
Caboose:
Uh Freckles? Was that you at the end of the movie trailer?
Freckles:
He said he was going to make me a star.
 

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