Episode 8: The Grass Is Greener. The Blues Are Bluer

Fade in to Caboose trying to train Freckles
Caboose:
Go Freckles, go Freckles go down. Like this!
Caboose squats and stands up, and Freckles does the same
Caboose:
Yes! That's a good Freckles! Yes, yes Tucker, yes did you see it? Freckles did a squat!
Tucker's doing squats too
Tucker:
Great. Now teach him to fetch. And then throw a stick off a cliff.
Caboose:
Aw he knows how to fetch. Freckles! Freckles! Get the ball!
Caboose throws a ball
Freckles:
Acquiring target.
Freckles shoots the ball in mid-air
Caboose:
Uh, see that, that was just, that was just poor phrasing on my part, really. Mean I was just, I- I think I was just grammatically, g- it was grammatically incorrect, so.
Cut to Simmons and Grif atop a hill observing them
Grif:
Alright, we made it.
Simmons:
Yeah. So uh, what do we do now?
Grif:
I guess we just, watch 'em?
Simmons:
Pshew... toh! toh! toh! toh!... so, this is a waste of time, right? I mean they're not actually plotting anything.
Grif:
I don't know man, but watching two dudes exercise is making me feel really weird.
Simmons:
Kawh, this isn't getting us anywhere.
Grif:
Well why don't you just ask them what they're up to?
Simmons:
What, and blow our cover?
Grif:
What do we look like, Seal Team 6? Who gives a shit dude, you already said they're not up to anything.
Simmons:
But what about the robot?
Grif:
Oh, yeah.
Simmons:
See, we need to strategize.
Grif:
Okay, fine, how do we wanna do this?
Simmons:
...Oh, we could do like a sort of good cop bad cop thing.
Grif:
What if we act casual, like we're just shooting the shit or something.
Simmons:
Maybe, if we go in, guns blazing, we can intimidate them into telling us what we want.
Grif:
Wait... what do we want?
Simmons:
...I don't know.
Tucker:
Hey.
Simmons:
Guh!
Tucker:
What are you doing?
Simmons:
Alright, listen Tucker, I wanted to hear you out, but my partner is crazy! I can't hold him back!
Tucker:
What?
Simmons:
I mean hey what's up? How's the weather? No wait I mean tell me what you know! ...I'm sorry.
Grif:
That's some solid detective work there Officer Simmons.
Tucker:
Yeah, so if you guys could not watch us work out, that'd be great, 'cause it's a little weird.
Grif:
It's really weird.
Simmons:
Sarge ordered us to come spy on you, he thinks you're up to something.
Tucker:
Dude, the only thing I've done today is exercise.
Grif:
Heuhh, you poor tortured soul.
Simmons:
What're you training for?
Tucker:
Fuck if I know, every day it's the same thing. Wake up- run drills. Clean the base- run drills. Maintain order- run drills. I have glamorous calfs and a miserable fucking life! Can we please stop running drills!?
Grif:
I had calves once. Way more tender than a regular cow. You could taste the youth.
Simmons:
Wash makes you clean the base?
Tucker:
And our equipment, and our vehicles. The guy's obsessed with rules and order.
Grif:
Euh. Could you imagine having to deal with someone like that?
Simmons:
Rules and order... Awh...
Tucker:
I know, right? He's even got an organizational chart.
Simmons:
Huhch?
Grif:
Tsk- what a loser.
Simmons:
Uh, hkw, hwk, yeah. Hm, well uh, that all sounds very interesting Tucker, but I think I need to see this for myself.
Tucker:
What?
Grif:
What?
Simmons:
Oh you know, I just wanna make sure his story checks out. Inspect the base, stick around for a few days.
Grif:
Checks out? What're you gonna find that we can't already see? That thing is completely exposed, it's empty. It's clean, dude.
Simmons:
Houh, clean.
Tucker:
Are you sure you wanna hang around? Wash might make you run his obstacle course or something.
Grif:
Yeah, Sarge made us do that too.
Cut to a flashback of Sarge making Grif run the course
Sarge:
On your mark, get set-
Grif:
This is such bullshit
Sarge shoots Grif in the ass with a shotgun, knocking him over onto the ground
Grif:
O-how, why?
Sarge:
New record.
A short bell ring happens, and we're back to present day
Grif:
Sometimes when I sneeze, buckshot comes out.
Simmons:
Look, let me just hang out for a few days. I'll be cool, I swear.
Grif:
Don't lie to the man's face.
Tucker:
Whatever dude, just remember I warned you.
Tucker heads back for Blue Base
Simmons:
Well Grif, I guess this is goodbye.
Grif:
Wait, how long are you planning on being gone?
Simmons:
'Til the job's done, I guess.
Grif:
And you're sure you'd rather be near the Blues and their giant killer fucking robot, instead of just coming back to base.
Simmons:
...
Flashback to Red Base
Grif:
Hey, I think I broke the urinal in the laundry room.
Simmons:
We don't have a urinal in the laundry room.
Grif:
Oh... ...
Back to present
Simmons:
Yes. I'm sure.
Grif:
Whatever, your funeral. Just remember, if the robot ever corners you, just stick him with a magnet.
Simmons:
Computers haven't been affected by magnets since the 20th Century.
Grif:
Which is exactly what they want you to think.
Grif wanders off
Simmons:
Heuhh... finally, a place I can call home.
Cut to Caboose and Freckles
Caboose:
Alright Freckles, fetch!
Caboose throws a tennis ball and it lands right next to Simmons
Simmons:
Hey Caboose, you dropped your ball.
Freckles:
Acquiring target.
Freckles fires
Simmons:
Help, what did I do?!
Caboose:
Ah- yeah, sorry. Yeah we're, we're still working on that one. ...Can we have our ball back?
Simmons:
I can't, Sarge says I throw like a girl.
 

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